I've been to a million parties, thousands of bars, tons of shopping marts in hundreds of cities. I've heard every possible kind of music at these places and at billions of concerts and I've seen an amazing amount of TV shows and movies containing every imaginable music type there has ever been.
There is one group of people that have the absolute worst taste in music, no other group of people on the entire planet Earth have shittier tastes in music then these people.
Now I know right now yer thinking I'm going to throw down and say I hate polka, hip-hop, U2, or country or smooth jazz, right? WRONG!
You see I fish a hell of an oftenly, and there is one thing I can set my watch by, and that is the insanely horrible music that will be blaring out of any wake/water skiing boat on any given body of water ANYWHERE.
Here's a simple warning, if you see this in the distance
Brace yerself for some shitty music.
Last week I was up at East Canyon, just me and the dog, nobody for miles, nobody on the entire lake but 4 doucheboaters with a sweet sound system. Of course they notice someone all alone on the shore enjoying themselves and they have to drive right over and wake board where I'm fishing. What awesome music were they listening to as they buzzed my beach? Yeah Coldplay, which shocked me, they actually had new music, which is rare for their ilk, but hell it was probably just the 30 seconds from an Apple commercial looped for 55 minutes.
A few days ago I was up at Pineview, out on my boat, rowing around not catching anything or even getting any bites, alone, happy to not be bothered. Loneliness is the nemesis of the wake boarder, they saw me there steeped in solitude and had to ruin it, a nice pass within 200 feet of me ought to do some good, what were these doucheboaters listening to? CHER. Yep, fucking Cher. They looped around me and headed back out to the main channel. 5 minutes later they came back, well I couldn't really tell if this was the same boat or not all these fucks look exactly the same to me. This time some Toby Keith was oozing out of the poor speakers on the boat. Once again a loop around my solace and back out to bother other boaters with their choice in sweet boardin' music. Back they came again, they just couldn't get enough of me out there all alone without sweet tunes, this time they were listening to, and I'm not fucking kidding the Goo Goo Dolls.
Usually when I'm at a lake that contains water enthusiasts I just rake my arms with fishing hooks to distract the pain in my ears. I'm sick if slicing myself just to keep from hearing what passes as 'Tubular listening while cuttin' some sweet wakage' or however the fuck these imbeciles try to justify the craptacular soundtracks of their lives. I've heard idiots like this playing a fucking Blue Collar Comedy Tour CD while boating at Deer Creek, WHY?! Why the fuck would you do that to people you don't even know? Do you just want everyone to hate you? Is this some ingenious scheme to get people to leave the lake? These are the same folks that I saw at Utah lake playing the opening minute or so of Enter Sandman, over and over and over and over. Seriously, like everyone at the marina was interested in hearing a song that died 16 years ago.
Sure I'm a music snob and I've been out there in a boat with speakers blaring Fugazi or The Flaming Lips to the embarrassment of the people on our boat. I guess yer supposed to listen to shitty music everyone can put up with, you know like KODJ or The JACK FM. Better yet listen to nothing, please! Enjoy nature and stop trying to pickup some Echo Res. trim with yer mixed CD of Jamiroquai, Creed, and Seven-Mary-Three. Sure we can all tell by yer taste in music that you graduated high school in 1999 and haven't updated your music as much as you have your rims.
Another thing that really pisses me off about Wakebags is every fucking story has the same beginning and ending, here is a basic wakebagging story:
So like all of the sudden we woke up All the sudden you did eh? And like the lake was like glass you know, it was like all like a mirror you know? So like we were all shitcha! Lets hurry and get some Jim Beamoritas in us and get on that water and TEAR IT UP YO! So like there we was and we was just goin like ape shit on that lake right like you know? And then Sal he like tries to pull like this Christfuck 720 ditchweed fakey right? And like since like the lake is all glass like the board like just bounces off it and like flies like up in his face and like I'm tryin to like smoke this bowl in all the wind and it was like our last bowl and like I see the board like up in his grill and like blood is like flying all over like the lake and I like blew the bowl out all over like Mikeys new boat right? And like right then we like have Don't Fuck'n Look by Slightly Stoopid playin and I was all whoa dude don't fuck'n look at Sals face! But there he is and like 127 stitches in his face later he's still a muthafuckin' pimp yo!
I'm getting so pissed off thinking about all the wakebags that've destroyed the air of so many days I might need to end this thing quick!
I just don't understand the need to demonstrate ones lack of musical taste at state parks, sure we hear it everyday at any given stop light, low riding rice wagons that vibrate so much with bass you can't even understand what the 'music' is that's playing. But to destroy nature with Insane Clown Posse, Matchbox 20 or Sugar Ray should be a crime.
One thing I forgot to mention, WAKEBOARDERS RIDE A COCKHORSE!
